Wickedly Blonde

2005-12-14T22:05:00.000-08:00

Ding dong the bitch is gone. I just spent the better part of a week entertaining my hopelessly bitter aunt. I got to fend off questions like "Have you gained weight?" and "When are you going to finally settle down? Every time I hear about you you have a new boyfriend." or my fave "When are you going to have children, not out of wedlock of course." Oh yes it was a delightful week. I was thisclose to killing her then myself. And my chronically kind mother kept reminding me that she's family and wasn't "blessed with the Christmas spirit" so we should do our best to be nice.

I have a date with a guy with very pretty highlights. He reaks of metrosexuality but i'm giving it a chance because I'm hard up and he's cute. I guess I'm not too picky. That might be why I have a long line of loser dates behind me. I planned on being single so I could sort my shit out and be deliberate when it came to finding a relationship. Lately that number 1 plan seems to be going down the shitter along with my pride.

The run-in

2005-12-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

Running into a one night stand you can't remember is never a fun experience. I was in the grocery store, going about my merry way when he called my name and practically rammed his cart into mine when I didn't answer. I recognized his face, but that was about it. And even then I figured he was just some friend of a friend. I tried to play it off like I knew who the hell he was but eventually my strained facial expressions gave me away and he said "you have no clue who I am do you?" I just shrugged. I didn't know what else to do. I was trapped in this tense, awkward situation. Normally that's bad enough but throw in the fact that we apparently had sex and it's brutal. It's the feeling of "Oh, you've seen me naked and I have absolutely no idea who you are." It's a pretty icky feeling. My naked image can pop into his head at any moment. He can see me naked in his mind whenever he so desires and I don't even know this chumps name?

He asked me for my number but that just seems ass backward at this point. Isn't the point of a once night stand to hit it and quit it? The's the whole appeal I'm guessing. Get what you need and then move on. Having to releave the experience in the harsh glow of sobriety isn't very charming.

My judgemental aunt is coming into town this weekend. It's her annual "I'm boycotting Christmas by visiting family before Christmas" trip. She doesn't like Christmas. She thinks it gives people a false sense of happiness. To celebrate this she takes 2 weeks off every December and makes the family rounds. I always get stuck entertaining the old broad who's sole purpose in life is to make me sound like a failure. Happy holidays!

Red panties are hot

2005-12-05T01:48:00.000-08:00

I have been in alarming need of new underwear for months now. I'm always either too lazy to make a trip for the sole purpose of a panty purchase or when I'm actually out doing something I forget all about it. That is until I reach into my undie drawer and pull out my granny panties. That's when my memory comes back and I realize that going commando might be a better option. Friday I went Christmas shopping and decided I would actually cave in and buy new underwear. Unless I'm dating someone who appreciates expensive undies I allow Target brand panties to cover my ass. But then I spotted a sale at Victoria's Secret and a pair of super hot red lacy boy undies caught my eye. They were so cute and were half off. They had to be mine. Of course they didn't have my size. After cursing the Gods I decided to buy them in a size bigger. I mean really how much bigger can one size up be? I'm sure I'll eat enough during the holiday season to fill out that extra space nicely, I thought. So I proudly walked to the counter and paid for my first pair of nice underwear in at least 3 years.

I got home, took a shower and started getting ready for the night's events. It felt like a new underwear night so I slapped those babies on and met my friends at our usual kick off bar. Within minutes at the bar I realized why buying underwear that isn't your size is wrong, wrong, wrong. My lovely red panties kept sliding down and then bunching right in the middle of my ass, causing a very strange looking lump that resembled a full pad or an adult diaper. I spent all night picking my ass trying to adjust. Somehow a strange girl with her fingers in her crack all night isn't appealing to the dudes. Wonder why?

Saturday I was faced with the daunting task of being a wing woman. One of my best girl friends has just escaped the relationship from hell. Prying her away from a man that treated her like dog shit was a 2 month long endeavor that involved a crew of 4 other friends, around the clock monitoring to make sure there wasn't a backslide and countless amount of dollars spent on booze and take out. I knew she wouldn't be completely free until I welcomed her to the single world by allowing her to be the prey of the rich and good looking at my favorite yuppie club. This meant I had to distract whatever lowly looking friend happened to accompany his hot looking pal. Let me tell you they were out in full force this weekend. It seemed like every yummy dish brought along his ugliest friend. I get the theory behind it. Bring an ugly friend so you look that much cuter. It's just not very fair to the poor wingwoman who has to entertain the dude.

It was all worth it though. My friend ended up getting quite a few numbers and even had a juicy little make out sesh in a back booth. I say job well done.

Dating assumptions

2005-12-02T23:34:00.000-08:00

Here's my take on dating; I think anyone can get a date. Finding a date is not hard. It's finding a date that doesn't make you contemplate a restraining order or that can talk about more than partying that's the real challenge.

I get annoyed when I tell people I'm single and they something along the lines of "oh it must be by choice because you're beautiful". Anyone who is single is most likely single by choice. They may want a relationship but they make the choice every day to stay single. If it was a matter of being in any relationship just so they can say they're taken then they'd hump the first bum that walked by. Single is always a choice, as is being in a relationship.

I'm annoyed with people who think being single is a bad thing. Like you must be at home stuffing your face in a bucket of Ben and Jerry's or something. Like you're this lonely, pathetic lump that is bitter towards anyone who's happily coupled. How can anyone possibly feel complete if they don't have a significant other in their life? That's unheard of!

But there are two of my all time faves that beat out any other dating annoyance.
Numero uno; When someone, usually a guy, says "you must have been hurt" when you tell him you're not looking for a relationship right now. That is classic. Yes, all of us single women who aren't willing to lower our standards for some hair backed bar fly are really bruised on the inside. You've figured it out genius. Our cover is blown. We're all damaged goods.

Numero dos; "It must be easy for you to day because you're pretty". I'm not going to fish for compliments here. I know I am not hideous. I also don't have an inflated ego over it either. Just because an "attractive" person might be able to score more quantity in the dating pool doesn't necessarily mean it's quality. If anything I think people who might be deemed attractive have it worse in the dating world. I know...blah..blah..blah people are probably annoyed by that and rolling their eyes right now but seriously. An "attractive' person generally has to put up with more advances. They have to weed through more losers than someone who might not be approached as often. That can be tiring and frustrating.

Dating and dating politics are far too complicated for anyone's own good.

Pictures

2005-11-30T23:24:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep. It's be a recurring problem lately. I call it Missing Boyfriend Syndrome. Usually my dog sleeps in bed with me but I think I pissed her off so she's boycotting and sleeping in the living room instead. I get no love.

I posted a few pics from my 2 weekends as a Jager girl. This is like one step away from being a Hooters waitress. Not my finest hour. Don't do favors for friends that involve hot pants and giving away shots to a bar full of horny men. It's not worth the friend bonus points. I'm the super blonde in case you couldn't tell. Click on the pics to see them better. One of these days I'll take pictures with something other than a $6 disposable and I'll get a scanner that is actually worth a damn and not one that was a free gift with purchase.

Boo

2005-11-30T11:24:00.000-08:00

I had to change my layout (sadly). I took the other one from some blog template site and I couldn't see who posted comments. It was just one big comment. I'm blonde and slow and very easily confused. So back to basic I go. If anyone knows of any good template sites, let me know.

P.S- I changed the color to a less harsh red for all of those who felt a burning sensation when reading my blog. If you don't like this color you'll just have to go ahead and blow me. :) JK

"Because you're a girl"

2005-11-29T23:04:00.000-08:00

The biggest mistake anyone can make with me is to underestimate me. I know it's easy. Afterall I'm a young, petite, fake blonde who isn't above playing it dumb. But the moment you take me for granted and make the mistake of thinking I can't do something is the moment you should be prepare to lube up your mouth and prepare it for a hearty taste of foot.

"Nose Hair", aka the biggest goober in the office, likes to underestimate me alot. At first I let it slide. I was new, he was stupid. Today was the day sliding was no longer an option. We just landed a big client, a sporting good client. This project is huge and requires a big team. I haven't been on a big pitch yet but have been hammering away at whatever grunt work they give me and have been kicking some serious ass. I have been eager to do something with a little more challenge to it. "Nose Hair" is heading up this project and was given the right to pick the people he wanted on the campaign but it was mentioned BY OUR BOSS that I have been working hard and should get a more meaty experience. Pretty much El Bosso was telling him to put me on the team without actually telling him, get me?

When I wasn't picked I was furious. Like throwing paper around furious. After a good bathroom scream and a smoke in a non-smoking building I approached "Nose Hair" and asked him why he passed me up. His response; "This is a sports and rec campaign and you're a girl." My ovaries have fucked me over once again. I guess having a penis dangling between your legs automatically makes you an authority on sports and advertising. Silly me. I'll just trade in my vagina now for something I can actually work it.

I have never wanted to be the office complainer and would normally just take it up the butt and plot a sniper attack but this one just irked me something fierce. I'm going over his head and if need be I am going to screw him over any way possible. No one blames my ovaries for something and gets away with it.

2005-11-29T02:26:00.000-08:00

I truthfully don't know how many people will read my posts. Even more truthfully I don't care. This place is for me. I'm welcoming myself to the digital age by upgrading the journal I have kept since I was 9. Yeah baby I've gone high tech.

Basically this will be my place to share my thoughts, feelings, emotions, ups, downs, rants and raves. I will talk about sex, people I don't like, mistakes I've made. I will be candid. I will not tolerate anyone passing judgement on me for the things I say here and will not tolerate holier than thou assholes thumbing their nose at me. So if you think you can handle just reading and being objective, welcome to my world.